I'm sitting here in Panera staring at my open WIP. I'm doing a consistency pass for this round of revisions, so I'm basically making sure that all of the plot elements make sense together and catching anything I forgot to change as I drastically altered my plot about 17 times as I was drafting.
It's been fun.
Right now I'm staring at page 172 of my Word doc. This is out of 263 total pages. I'm feeling pretty good because I have fewer than 100 pages to go, and, if I remember correctly, there aren't a ton of changes I need to make toward the end. It was the beginning that was the hot mess.
I got a ton done yesterday. I brainstormed with my writing group and came up with some good solutions to plot elements that had been bugging me, and I blasted through a bunch of scenes.
I was anxious to get back into it today, but instead of working furiously, getting closer and closer to the end of this pass, I'm just sitting here.
Staring at my open Word doc.
Peeking at the screen of the girl next to me. (She's playing a Tetris-like game)
Checking my phone.
Starting and not finishing e-mails.
Staring at people as they fill up their fountain drinks.
Shuffling my iTunes.
Doing everything but working on my writing.
The thing is, I don't have writer's block. I know this. I'm just at a pivotal make-or-break scene and I am scared to mess it up. And apparently I was scared of it in my draft, too, because when I came to page 172 last night, I found this little gem waiting for me:
Write this later
Yeah, I didn't write the scene back then because I was scared then, too. Thanks, Past Me. That was awesome of you. You should have just done it, you know?
So, here I am. Sitting in Panera, wasting the precious writing time I rarely get just staring at the screen, waiting for this scene to get easier.
Sadly, I know it won't.
So, it's not writer's block. It's writers' COWARDICE. Yup. I'm a big ol' chicken.
I'm trying to give myself a pep talk and just dive right in. I'm thinking a Panera pastry may help.
Do you guys ever face times like this...when you're just scared of a scene? How do you deal? I need help.