But I think about all the stuff I DO and I wonder if I really am an introvert. As a lot of you know just from reading this blog, I am always on the go. I'm out all the time with the husband and with friends, I'm constantly overbooking myself, and the biggest thing keeping me from making the progress I want to make with my writing is packed social calendar. I have chosen a job where I am surrounded by people all the time, and I am constantly "on." And then I have this second job where I am surrounded by people and constantly "on." And I look at my life and I am constantly go go go and do do do and run run run.
But I also look at my life and see that I am burned out a LOT. Any time I am NOT out and on the go, I'm curled up in a ball on the couch, totally spent.
So I've finally come to the conclusion that I must be a really social introvert. Is that a thing?
I just got back from three days in Vegas on Saturday where my friends and I did the pool thing and the delicious dinner thing and the bar thing* and we collapsed on to the plane having sucked every ounce of fun from the weekend that we could. And then I pretty much went straight from the airport to an outdoor concert with Matt Costa right on the bay in Newport. Even though the husband wasn't really all that into the idea (which was funny, because it was all of his friends who were there) and I was the one who should have been pushing to stay home, I pushed him out the door. I didn't want to sit at home, I wanted to sit in front of the back bay and watch Matt Costa! So we did. And it was awesome.
Matt Costa playing all of my favorite songs of his + sunset + beers = amazing
But then yesterday, even though I said I would hang out with the husband and some friends, I opted to stay home. The thought of spending time out, even if it was floating on a raft in the bay in Newport on a gorgeous day, was entirely too much for me. I actually started to get mild anxiety at the thought of having to do the social thing for another day.
I said I was going to be productive with my day alone, but I just napped on the couch, cuddled with the dog, and recharged. I needed it. I desperately needed the alone time to get back to myself again.
So just when I was thinking that maybe I am a bit of an extrovert after all, I realized how DRAINED I was from all the social time this weekend. This is why I'm thinking I must be some kind of highly social introvert. Because I love being social. I love Vegas and I love going places and doing things with my friends. But it takes every ounce of my energy. It doesn't invigorate me. When I'm out, there are times I just need to walk away from the crowd and have some time alone, or times when everyone else is talking and laughing when I need to just hang back and not participate. Even in my "on" all the time jobs, I create quiet time for myself, otherwise I can't handle it.
I may have a ton of fun being social, but it's being alone that makes me feel like me again.
Have you taken the Meyers Briggs personality test? What type are you? Is there anyone else out there who feels like a social introvert like me? Or am I totally making this up?
*You know that awkward moment when you run into a former student in the bar in Vegas? Yeah, my work bff and I had that.