Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Tuesday Tunes: This Year

This past year has been a struggle for me, and I've found myself humming the chorus of this song under my breath without even realizing it. It's sort of become a little mantra for me, my own positive affirmation for myself. Jessica, you WILL make it through this crappy year. And you know what, guys? We're almost at the end of the year and it looks like I may have made it. And I may be stronger as a result. We'll see, I guess. And the best part is that 2012 is already looking up in a big way. 2012 WILL BE MY YEAR, and I won't need to hum this song under my breath. But I'll still think it's an awesome song, regardless.

There will be feasting and dancing in Jerusalem next year, I swear it.

This Year - The Mountain Goats

I broke free on a Saturday morning
I put the pedal to the floor
headed north on Mills Avenue
and listened to the engine roar

My broken house behind me
and good things ahead
A girl named Cathy 
wants a little of my time
six cylinders underneath the hood 
crashing and kicking
listen to the engine whine

I am going to make it through this year
if it kills me
I am going to make it though this year
if it kills me

I played video games in a drunken haze
I was seventeen years young
hurt my knuckles punching the machines
the taste of scotch rich on my tongue 

and then Cathy showed up
and we hung out
trading swigs from a bottle
all bitter and clean
locking eyes 
holding hands
twin high maintenance machines

I am going to make it through this year
if it kills me
I am going to make it though this year
if it kills me

I drove home in the California dusk
I could feel the alcohol inside of me hum
pictured the look on my stepfather's face
ready for the bad things to come
I down shifted 
as I pulled into the driveway
the motor screaming out 
stuck in second gear
the scene ends badly
as you might imagine
in a cavalcade of anger and fear

There will be feasting and dancing
in Jerusalem next year

I am going to make it through this year
if it kills me
I am going to make it though this year
if it kills me


  1. The lyrics are really resonating. Great song (as always Jessica) I hate to hear you've had a bad year. This was me 2010. I survived and grew stronger. You will too.

  2. Never heard this song before, but I like it!

    Here's to 2012! :)

  3. I love The Mountain Goats - first heard them on the soundtrack to Weeds. : )

    When I can't think far enough along (a year) - I hum "Tonight's Gonna Be a Good Night" Baby steps, baby steps. : )

    I'm grateful to have discovered your blog this year. Thank you for writing.

  4. Never heard this song before, but I like the lyrics. I'll have to listen to it later (I'm at work now). I've also had a rough year. I'm hoping 2012 will be better.

  5. I know you've had some marvelous things happen this year, too.
    *cue singing* Always look at the bright side of life... *cue whistling*

    But, still...may your 2012 kick some major ass in all the best ways! *raises glass of bubbly* *clink* Cheers! :)


  6. I'm so with you on this. 2011 needs to end.

  7. This song is new to me. Really catchy!

    I understand where you're coming from. 2011 was a hard year, but gotta focus on all those positives, my dear. I know you've had them! :D



    You've made it, you've made it, you've made it!

    Wishing you the best for a memorable, amazing 2012!

  8. I just discovered the Mountain Goats a few months ago thanks to you know who. I LOVE this song!

    Just for reference, a huge number of my good moments in 2011 had you in them. This leaves a lot to look forward to in 2012!

  9. Cheers to that! 2012 will be your year :-)

    Never listened to the Mountain Goats, but I like the song. Plus Mountain Goat is one of our (many) nicknames for our cat, so that makes them awesome to me.

  10. Great song! Very catchy. I'm glad you made it through 2011 and I hope you have a fantastic 2012!