If you follow me on Instagram, you saw that I posted this picture on Friday:
That's because Friday was a really, really crappy day. On Friday I got notice from my school that I won't be coming back next year.
I'm absolutely devastated. I've taught there for six years, and, obviously, I love my job. I love the school, I work with some of the best people ever (including one of my very best friends), and I absolutely adore my students. Looking at my classes right now and knowing I won't be there to see these guys graduate in two years...it kills me.
Anyway, it's not at all because of my performance. I wasn't fired, and I'm not the only one who got let go. It's just the economy and the crappy state of education in California and BS politics and nonsense like that. I guess that makes it better? (But also worse, really.) And the thing is, my job isn't just going away. Someone from another school is coming in to take over my job and teach my classes and bond with my students and UGH, YOU GUYS, I AM SO UPSET.
I can't even.
So, I have two more weeks of work right now. Then the last day of school next Thursday will be my last day, too. I had really been looking forward to the last day of school, because that means summer! Two months off! But I'm not looking forward to it anymore. At all. It's no fun when you know you aren't going back.
I'm generally pretty positive when it comes to this kind of news. I give myself one day to wallow and be sad, because sometimes you really just need to indulge that side of you. But then I get myself together and start looking for the opportunity here. Obviously the universe has some other things in store for me. Finding another job is not going to be easy, but there is something new and better out there for me. So even though part of the reason I went into teaching was so I could get a job at a school and just stay there at the same place for 30-odd years, teaching the children of my former students when I'm old and grey, I believe this is a chance for me to challenge myself, so I guess I'll see what challenge is out there for me. I have a few leads that are pretty different from what I've been doing, so we'll see how those things pan out.
I don't know, you guys. I'm really, really sad. And I'm pretty scared. And I kept myself busy all weekend so I wouldn't have time to think about it and get too upset, but now that I'm sitting down typing it all out...the tears are coming.
I don't even know how I'm going to tell my kids.
This has actually happened to me once before, but I got a last-minute reprieve when someone in the district retired at the eleventh hour. But I think I may have used up all of my last-minute luck last time. I doubt that will happen again.
So it looks like I have two weeks to finish my grading, pack up my classroom, say goodbye to my awesome friends and amazing students and then...I don't know.
I have no freaking idea.