Monday, June 11, 2012

Breakups Suck

Confession: I'm not doing so well at the whole staying positive thing.

Losing my job is, quite literally, the worst breakup I have ever had to suffer through. I feel like I've been dumped by a boyfriend I am still desperately in love with for the biggest "it's not you, it's me" reason ever, and then forced by circumstance to keep hanging out with his awesome family for another few weeks and pretend like everything is A-OK.

It's been difficult, yo.

I cry EVERY DAY. The second my students leave my classroom I crumple up in a heap in my chair and just sob my eyes out. I barely hold myself together front of them. A kid brought me flowers that he picked for me from his front yard and I made him leave because it was so unexpected and thoughtful and I knew I was going to lose it and I didn't want to do it in front of him.

This is the last week of school and I don't know how I'm going to get through it.

The thing that makes it harder and easier is that my students have been so rad. I wasn't sure if I was going to tell them what was going on, but I had to start packing my infamous classroom library and I knew they would be asking questions, so I just told them. Since then they have been doing the NICEST things for me.

Like I said, one of my kids from last year brought me these beautiful roses from his yard. (He promised me that his parents were okay with it...haha) They are on my bookshelf at home right now and they have opened up so beautifully that I can't help but smile when I look at them.


They have been writing the most thoughtful and amazing things in my yearbook.



And then there was this awesomeness...

I guess that's not too much of a surprise given that this is how I'm signing yearbooks this year...


But the best thing that these awesome kids have done for me...they took it upon themselves to start a petition to save my job.

ALL THE TEARS.

This week is going to be really, really tough for me. I'm thankful every day for the time I've had with these rad kids, and I'm hoping, hoping, hoping there is something amazing right around the corner for me. But it's hard for me to get up in the morning, and I've been spending every evening wrapped in my blanket on my couch, trying to just wish this all away.

I'll get myself together next week. I promise. I have no intention of staying this mopey and depressed for the long term. But breakups really suck, and I'm just having a hard time with the whole put on a happy face thing for now.


I go by my married name at school, so I blocked it out because I am paranoid about the anonymity of my students. Go away, stalkers. 

42 comments:

  1. It just goes to show how much people care about you, and how much you really mean to them. I wish I had a teacher like you. Good luck, Jessica!

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    1. Thanks Jess! I hope you have some teachers who love you as much as I love my students. :-)

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  2. This is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry that this is happening!

    Positivity is great, but sometimes when something this unfair and sh!tty happens you can't help but feel supremely unpositive for a while. Hang in there!

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    1. Yeah, I need my negative time for awhile. I really love to complain and wallow for awhile...I just need to make sure it's not long term.

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  3. Oh Jessica, I'm so sorry. I know it must be hard - hang in there. The world needs more teachers like you, and your students obviously know this!!! Wishing you the very best.

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  4. Oh Jessica, I am so sorry you are going through this. :( Your students are amazing! Getting laid off is the worst. I know there is something great out there for you.

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    1. My students are amazing, aren't they? :-D

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  5. All of this is more evidence, every day, of what a phenomenal teacher you are. High school kids do not go out of their way to do anything unless a) it benefits them directly, or b) the utter injustice compels them to do something. Both of which are happening here. Your students see how valuable you are, even if the district is blind. Good luck, Jess! I know bigger and better things are out there for you.

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    1. I know...I'm really feeling the love from them, but it makes me even more upset that this is happening.

      My fingers are crossed for those bigger and better things!

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  6. Oh Jess, I am so sorry. They are making a horrible decision. You are an incredible teacher and the school will definitely be lesser without you.

    All the love.

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  7. So sorry you're going through this - it's awful the way we treat valuable teachers. I know you're going to land in a wonderful place.

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    1. I'm all about the power of attraction, so you're right...I WILL.

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  8. I know this is so hard but if this shows you anything- know you made an impact and that is what counts!

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    1. That really is the most important thing.

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  9. You are sparkly and amazing. A teacher to roots of your soul. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

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    1. You're so right, Lori...this is the job of my heart.

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  10. This makes me so sad! I wish there was something I could do.

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    1. You can let me complain to you via gchat!

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  11. Oh man, you changed so many young lives! I'm so moved. *hugs*

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  12. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Your students sound wonderful, and you've obviously made a lasting impression on them. Sending you a hug through the blogosphere.

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    1. Thank you for the virtual hugs Jaime! They work wonders.

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  13. You're so lucky to have all that support from your students. *hugs*

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    1. They are so supportive and awesome! I love them!

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  14. I think that's amazing they started a petition. Sounds like you've made an impression on them and when they're our age they'll remember you and be thankful they had you as a teacher.

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    1. Aww, it makes me so happy to think about that.

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  15. I HATE that this is happening to you and to your students and to the school because they are clearly losing an incredible asset. I don't know how all that petition stuff works but man, do I hope it works in your favor. Sending massive hugs. Heart you.

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    1. Thank you Alison. You rock for all of your constant support. Heart you, too.

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  16. Hugs all the way across the Ocean via the internet...Your students sound amazing and you know why they are this wonderful too? Because they had you as a teacher and you inspired them! Breakups do suck and in this one both you and the kiddos suffer but the school is really the one who will regret it at the end. It´s the school´s loss! <3

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    1. It is their loss!

      Thank you for all the love, Elodie. You're awesome.

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  17. UGH. This is SO sad. I really wish by some miracle you get your job back. But if that doesn't happen, you'll get through it. Let yourself feel those sad feelings and hopefully, after some time and a new opportunity (crossing my fingers for you!), they'll drift away.

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    1. Yup...just like breaking up with a guy, I'll find someone bigger and better and totally stop being sad one of these days.

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  18. Oh, Jess. Seeing students moved to the point of starting their own movement? Yeah, that would absolutely make me cry.

    You're entitled to snuggle in the safety of your blanket on your couch for as long as you need. You know that deep down, brighter days are ahead. But it's okay to live in the darkness for as long as you need. Sending you imaginary pints of your favorite Ben and Jerry's and a hug. Fingers crossed for you.

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  19. Oh, honey. I just love you and adore you so much that it hurts to see you so sad. I wish there was something I could do. My greatest learning experiences in school were shared with teachers I adored. The power of a good teacher is amazing. You've touched the hearts of so many kids and it shows. You are so "sparkly" there is something waiting for you in your future that will be even more wonderful waiting for you.

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  20. Wow. The petition, the flowers, and notes (sparkly you!) are beautiful, beautiful things. Pity parties are absolutely necessary.

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  21. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, Jess. It seems so unfair, especially since your students clearly adore you. How sweet of them to rally for you the way they have. I'm hoping that the remainder of the week isn't TOO terribly difficult. :( I'll be thinking of you.

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